Good Evening Professor Karlstrom,
First, please forgive my email address. Once it became overtly clear, that I was a target and my other emails had been hacked, I simply created this email in a time when I was clinging to God for my every breath. That to say, while it is not ‘professional, it is what I have for now until I decide to get phone service again.
I want to share my story, and see if you might have any advice, perspective or insight into what my next steps might be. I’m afraid in a season of complete and utter helplessness I trashed much of my notes which might have served as evidence. Once it became clear that the police were complicit in what was happening it sealed, at least for a time the already significant learned helplessness with which I emerged into adulthood. I hope for advice from someone who understands what I’m, or should I say we are fighting against.
My story is long, but here are the bullet points…….
1. I learned in late winter that I am a targeted individual. Winter was sheer torture, and nothing might have prepared me for the beast which would emerge in my life. While many things could be chopped up to other things, when the electronic rapes began, I knew I was not imagining things. I searched online and it gave context to what was happening.
2. My hair fell out in clumps in 2015, following a bout of electronic zaps all over my body, most intense around my heart. I also lost my job in that time frame at a call center for merchant processing while working for a large bank under bizarre circumstances. As in the mistake I’d made had been made six months prior to my termination and it was a mistake that many other reps had made before. Further, it was following my yearly review, during which I was given an excellent score and a raise. In addition all of my quotas were being reached. My skin was breaking out in red patches which had never happened prior. I also was called to testify in a child molestation case during this window of time. I volunteered the previous summer at a camp for girls who had been sexually abused. One of the girls confided that her mom had yet again befriended a new man who was once again doing the same thing and molesting her. Because I was the one she trusted to tell, I was called to testify however at the last minute the perpetrator accepted a plea. I’m not sure why I’m adding this in, it just feels important. On my first scheduled day to my new job, I was in wreck- I was not found at fault but I always thought it was weird that after being terminated, and getting a new job that I was in a wreck on the way to my new job. I also broke my ankle during this time frame. I could go on and on about the many odd things which happened in that season, as there were many, it was hell and I was in a constant state of hypervigilance. I remember journaling that I was under severe spiritual attack. Of course I had no idea what targeting was at that time.
3. I believe looking back I’ve been a target since birth even if only in the spiritual realm. My siblings and I were removed from my biological father as children. I adored him, however was trained to believe that if someone mentioned the gov’t as part of their emotional troubles, as he did, for that to be a clear sign of mental illness. However, as I reflect on letters I have from him, and the verbiage he used; I see strong evidence to support that he too was a targeted individual. I am one to research things, so had I known what a target Individual was long ago, I would of clearly been able to draw a line between his symptoms and the targeting phenomena.
4. My bio father was not a mason however his brother was and his dad was and his dad’s dad was. It is Interesting that he was the only one with overt troubles, and also the only non-mason. This in of itself means nothing, however it is at least interesting.
5. My foster/adoptive mom’s dad was in the navy. His 5 brothers were also in the navy. When her dad left the navy, he worked his entire career for Lockheed martin in Marietta, GA where I’m from.
6. My foster/adoptive dad died of cancer (I’m now wondering geez did this technology infiltrate every aspect of BOTH my families? Perhaps his cancer had nothing to do with DEWS and yet it is part my history so I’m putting it here.
7. 10 years ago, I told my therapist that I was experiencing a new bout of symptoms I told him that it felt as though the real me had gone missing and that my personality had become fractured. I asked him if dissociative identity disorder was something that could manifest later on in life. I experienced a few bouts of anger out of nowhere which startled me as well. I brought it up with him. I have never laid my hands on anyone just to be clear but before then I was always such a patient person; even consoling a grown man in my adulthood who had harmed me severely as a child. I was never a fly off the cuff kind of a human, but then all of a sudden on the phone with customer service or when receiving disappointing news I could no longer handle and metabolize it in the same peaceful ways I once had. That was the thing about me, all along; with each new symptom or behavior I maintained a dialogue with those who were helping me. I now truly believe they knew what was happening. I used the language I had- I did not know what targeting was nor electronic harassment, but I certainly told my doctor and therapist every last detail of what was happening to me as I understood it. Also, and I shared this with them, I started having vulgar “loud thoughts,” which bumped up against my brain, which I now know to be synthetic telepathy. I believe I’ve had this since I was a child and while I tried my best I could never explain it well enough. Every doctor and therapist I saw said I absolutely did not have schizophrenia. Further, my sexuality changed and at times I engaged with the world in a very childlike state, though previously neither I been an issue; that is sexuality nor childlikeness. This was out of nowhere at 31 years of life. I also asked him and my psychiatrist who has known me since I was 15 if I could possibly have a late onset personality disorder. On all accounts, I was told no that I did not have DID nor a personality disorder.
8. I am attached to remote neural monitoring- friends allowed things to slip over the years but I could have never known the gravity of what was happening or what those slip ups truly meant. How is RNM even a thing? It has been brought to my attention too that I’ve been through MK ULTRA – so I’m assuming that my subconscious is spewing all kinds of untruths based off my programming or a gang stalker implied this; however it could have been to scare me.
9. My friends ended up being involved as is my family. I let things go at first such as their consistent use of NLP words, and gas lighting but then it became obvious at our last exchanges that I could no longer attribute everything to coincidence or paranoia. My brother made it very clear and I now have little choice but to see him as a sociopath.
10. I told my therapist many times, that sometimes I talked to myself and it bothered me greatly. I told him that it felt I was giving intense interviews at times or was being interrogated by someone I could not see; as it turns out I was not wrong.
11. One of the false narratives about me is regarding money. What is funny is at first it was not so much true, but now it has become true. When what I now know to be v2k went from typical to intense as did many of their personality fracturing tactics, I was working 4 jobs. Now, I’m a bum- who miss manages money. I am homeless, not working, in debt and I feel irresponsible. For the longest time friends would lie but I always let it go thinking I’d be petty to bring such little things up. Such as when I broke my ankle, my friend took me to the doctor, I bought her food and me food. But she told my roommate that she bought me food. Would I not have seemed like a terribly, petty person had I said something? SO I did not- but things like this happened very often, not only with her, but numerous people. I was gas lighted in so many ways, and I wish I had of stood up for myself. The evil that materialized by people I thought loved me is mind blowing. In addition, my roommate helped spread terrible rumors about me and money. Yet in 7 years I was only late with rent one time. Even when I lost my job, I paid her six months’ rent up front because I knew I was struggling and wanted to make sure she got that. Our other roommate owed her 12 months of rent I think she said as he was waiting on his next big movie role- but she worshipped him. This discrediting and unbalance of the truth seems to lace its way into every area of my lie. I guess I always felt as though I was judged harshly so I rarely stood up for myself as I did not wish to be judged even more. One by one at the last conversations with those I once thought were true friends each human revealed in ways I could not deny their involvement; laced with excessive talk about pizza and every facet of what I’d done the night before and that day. I have been through as have most targets and many people in general a great deal; but I’ve never cried as much as I did that week. You see, the great reveal, that these people had been actor friends all along seemed to be something that brought each of them joy to reveal. I did not know such evil existed. Truly they must think I’ve done something terrible.
12. For the longest time I strongly suspected something to be amiss with my phone. I suspected someone was tapped in, but how paranoid of me I also though- golly gee I must just need to work on my own issues again. I received over a ten year period many unknown numbers and texts- I could of never known what this would come to mean. I even asked my carrier if there were signs- the answer no- off to more therapy for me. In my mind it was always a weakness in me. I know see the extent to which I was gas lighted
13. Preceding discovering I was a target, there was a whole campaign at getting me to think I’d done something terrible; i.e. murder or harming a child or something horrendous such as that. I almost killed myself. I surely would not want to live if I had hurt a child. That would be my deal breaker on this whole life thing. The thing about me though, is although I have significant trauma, my memory is pretty good. Now, I was programmed to pretend like I’m dumb or ditzy or have a bad memory but the truth is my memory is good. There were times even before I knew what a targeted individual was that I had “false memories,” and I believe that was a programming malfunction now that I know I was mind controlled but at the time when I had these “memories” that did not happen, I assumed it was my sub conscience trying to teach me something, but I now see it as an attempt at programmers to plant a false memory that I would adopt as my own and true. I however, did not.
14. I was drugged many times and hypnotized many times.
15. Not everyone is denying it; even those in the helping profession seem to support this hate campaign.
16. I dated a very abusive man ten years ago, who did some time in federal prison after we broke up for smuggling drugs and guns across the border of Mexico. It was in the paper and it was during the same sting operation where an FBI agent was also arrested. He told me he was a web designer so I was obviously shocked and I did do much research online about it- so maybe this has something to do with it??? His friend looked for me while he was still in prison. And when he got out contacted me and I flipped out. I am still scared however one whole campaign by the gang stalkers was that I was just a stupid B&^%$ who was trying to elicit sympathy. I think much of the mind control played his abuse over in my mind every night so it felt as if it were happening in real time. I dare one of those POS gang stalkers to walk in my shoes for one day, and then see how well they stand up.
17. I met a therapist at 21. I am now almost 40. He and I became intimate but in the end I considered him simply my friend and mentor. I now see him, as probably my handler now that I know what a handler is. He worked for one of the biggest hospital systems in Georgia and many people wanted me to sue. I was so loyal, though to the end. He took his own life a few years ago.
18. Much of the online hate campaign suggested I was slutty and kept me all winter in a state of feeling as though I were the worst person in the history of human life. They called me trash and worse and I felt it was true. However, I have kissed no more than 4 people in ten years. I’m not a slut. But here is the thing, even prostitutes do not deserve this torture. In fact, I would rather be friends with prostitutes than my ex friends who pretended to love me just to have information to report back to the perps with.
19. I was known in my family growing up as being the “truth teller,” as being the “honest one,” and I also had a very strong relationship with Jesus at a very early age. Friends remember me leading people to Jesus in school and I remember this too. That being said, there could be a very spiritual component. What makes this hard, is that the truth teller aspect of me has been obliterated through lies and smear campaigns. Further, before I knew what was really happening all I could do was say what I thought was happening; this whole time believing I was unsafe from the ex-boyfriend. I had no way of knowing the gravity or the biggest. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.
20. Things were not accurate in my family. My sister always told me I would have had an easier time if I just went along with everything but I never could. For just one example, in middle school I tested out to be placed in all honors classes for high school minus math. However my mom tried to convince my teachers to put me in special ed. Facts in my family rarely added up to the truth. I was treated as though I was dumb or slow but ultimately, believe I was simply fulfilling a role.
21. I have researched things since I was very young. And ten years ago- started doing a ton of research as to what might be happening to me. These were the phrases that seemed to carry some weight during my research; Gas Lighting- Munchausen by proxy- Projective identification (I often felt pressure to accept feelings assigned to me instead of it being accurate)- cognitive dissonance- dissociative disorders etc While not one things stood out as the end all be all, one by one I felt I was finding all the puzzle pieces. Once the gang stalking became overt however, as did the hypnosis and electronic rapes I knew, that I was not in Kansas anymore so to speak.
22. I also have many though insertions, thoughts which do not in any way reflect my true feelings and since I am linked to RNM I become sad at times to wonder if those who read my RNM believe those are really MY thoughts.
23. It does seem like the gang stalking became worse following a blog I started. I have since taken the blog down.
24. I worked for an energy company at 28 years of age ( I saw somewhere that this might be a thing)
25. I have this habit of recent years of being on the go, feeling like I have to keep moving; not in a manic way but even before I knew I was a target their was an urgency to move around and be on the run even though I could not articulate from what I was running.
26. One of my dearest and best friends ended up being heavily involved. One of the themes was to treat me like a dog by the gang stalkers. When she started calling me like a dog I knew it seemed off- but then she would always be like “oh girl I’m talking to the dog.” Even though my gut said otherwise. This was over the phone but I used to be at her house all the time and her dogs were not allowed upstairs and she absolutely was referring to me and conditioning me. On our last call she referred to things I’d seen through my own eyes the day before (and we are in different states) so even though I thought her to be an allie, I now see she was a ring leader. Further her husband in the span of just a few years has been in jail numerous times, three of which were for messing with underage kids. One of which was 15, one 8 years old and the other not sure how old. I never felt good about that, but just tried to love her unconditionally though it. I now wonder if he got a deal to help crucify and gang stalk me.
27. To be clear, I have never been in jail. I do not do drugs. I have smoked pot three times all while legal in Colorado, but really don’t’ like it. I drink rarely. I just say this because I feel like so many things have been said about me, and as though I have to clarify the truth. Sadly, in my heart I know that even those who have been to jail do not deserve this torture.
How can something like this happen? How can one’s life hold less value than another? I just don’t get it. And how could my friends, my brother and the general public think having access to my thoughts is something acceptable? They are rapists, perhaps they will never be charged in the earthly realm, but I have to believe that in the heavenly courts this will be handled.
I am currently homeless in Colorado. I’m trying to fight my way back; get a job and be a functioning person, but some days it is all I can do to just breathe. This is no real life to lead. Because the rumors about me have been significant, I want to make it very clear that I am not asking for money or support in that way. I simply hope for advice and wisdom and perspective from someone who understands how layered the targeting phenomena can be.